Purpose

 

As the youngest child in the family, why does it feel like life is pressuring me way too hard to become a good child and a good youngest sister? My three brothers and one sister already had a family with a wonderful life, and I always wonder if I could become like that. I always have a self-doubt that what if I was the only one that could go in separate ways? I always question myself: What is my purpose in life? What if I have no purpose?

Being the youngest, everyone taught, or so I taught, that being the youngest in the family was easy and so lucky. Also, as a person who even doesn't know how to cope with things, doesn't know what my future goals or plans are, and has a lot of self-doubt, it was so hard. I also have a super strict family; maybe that's why. That's why I am afraid of trying a lot of things, having self-doubt, and even being independent at all times.

But when I entered senior high school, I tried to get out of my comfort zone, even just for a little bit. I tried making new friends, going out with friends, and even trying to join activities that I could not do since I had no self-confidence. It helped me a lot, despite the trauma that my past friends gave me, which was that they left and said bad things behind my back. Also, getting out of my comfort zone helped me through college; that's also why I chose to study a little far away from home. It made me independent, and little by little, step by step, I am not that scared to try new things to explore.

As I get older, all my questions and what-ifs are starting to be answered by God. I realized that it really takes time to not pressure myself. The time will come when I will finally get the happiness and freedom that I deserve. I don't have to overthink what will happen in the future because it's always up to me to decide how I want it. I'm also lucky that I have my siblings, boyfriend, and friends with me who supports and understands me.